Blood for Dracula is the quasi-sequel to Paul Morrissey’s Flesh for Frankenstein.  Udo Kier returns in the title role as a sickly Count Dracula on the prowl for “wirgins”  to marry and take their blood so he can survive.  Arno Juerging is again the servant of the title monster, but this time a little more assertive in handling his ailing master.  Convinced by his servant to load up the coffin and head to Italy, the count stumbles upon a down at the heels aristocratic family with four daughters for him to choose from.  Unfortunately for the count, Joe Dallesandro is a man servant on the estate who’s been seeing to it that some of the sisters no longer have virgin blood. 

And this time around, we get Udo out of his shirt, too.

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Popularity: 2% [?]

Matt Riddlehoover is the ultra narcissitic Jonathan Barrows in Watch Out.  We start with Jonathan’s bizarre teen years and his parents trying to get him to lose his virginity to a woman (while they film it) and we then follow him to a job interview at a community college where he’s trying to get a teaching job he feels is beneath him.  His self absorption (he finds only himself to be sexually attractive) leads him further and futher into conflict with an offbeat world in the small town he’s visiting.  Eventually, we learn of his more murderous side as he kills off those he sees as having wronged him.  Lots of skin from Riddlehoover (warning:  site NSFW), but sometimes the narration and pacing made me wish they’d just get on with things.  A brief cameo from Peter Stickles as one of a couple Jonathan Barrows meets and offends in the town’s seafood restaurant.

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Popularity: 2% [?]

Paul Morriessey’s Flesh for Frankenstein retells the “Frankenstein” story with Udo Kier as Baron Frankenstein trying to create a super race of Serbian zombies who will worship him as their master. Part of his plan is creating a male and female creature and having them breed his new subjects. In seeking a head for his male monster, he picks a man, Sacha (Srdjan Zelenovic) he sees in a brothel, mistaking him for some sort of super stud, not realizing that he’d been dragged there by his buddy Nicholas (Joe Dallesandro). Unfortunately for the Baron’s plans, Sacha’s eyes were only for Nicholas in the room full of naked women. Once Sacha’s head is in place, the Baron finds he has no interest in the female creature. Meanwhile, Nicholas has caught the eye of the Baroness who needs some “company” while the Baron is at his work.

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Popularity: 5% [?]

There’s a few horror movies that you don’t watch for the chills. Happy Halloween.

Wolves of Wall Street

William Gregory Lee (Dante’s Cove) stars in Wolves of Wall Street as a young man who comes to New York seeking his dream only to fall in with a pack of evil underwear models who are stock brokers by day and werewolves by night.

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Voodoo Academy

Voodoo Academy (2000) is a soft porn horror flick in which wholesome, attractive young men are lured into a bible college (with all of 6 students) where they spend a lot of time in their underwear being subjected to weird rituals by the cute priest and the strange woman who run the place. Not much point, but lots of skin.

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Leeches!

In 2003’s Leeches, we find that the steriod popping swim team has been spending time frolicking in the local pond where they’re getting sucked on by leeches. Of course, this makes the leeches grow huge and hungry for more tender, young hunks. Plenty of scantily clad, muscled young men in speedos and underwear. But none of them actually fast enough to outrun the leeches.

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Popularity: 6% [?]

What are the forces of evil to do when the last scion of generations spent perpetuating badness passed from father to son turns out to be gay?

Cthulhu takes the works of H.P. Lovecraft as a starting point and puts a modern spin on the tales of ancient evils. Gay college professor Russ (Jason Cottle) returns to the creepy sea side town he was born in to attend his mother’s funeral. His father’s in charge of the local cult and the entire town seems a little odd towards him.  Is it because he’s gay or that he’s the embodiment of evil nastiness? Russ strikes up a relationship with Mike (Scott Green), his childhood friend, and has to choose between his love or reigning over a dark empire. This was actually a fun movie, though slow in spots. Reminded me of late night monster movies when I was a kid, and having a gay protagonist was extra nifty. If you watch the DVD, the commentary is worth a listen as the director and writer (apparently a first movie for them) spend all their time trashing the film as an apocryphal lesson to other film makers; kinda funny actually.

So what do the forces of evil do? They send in Tori Spelling to get the job done.

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Popularity: 4% [?]

Playroom (aka Consequences) – a group of mostly jock buddies (Chris Cannon, Nicholas Kattar, Paul Marron, Adam Ratcliffe & Michael Tranzilli) from high school reunite for their annual “football weekend” away from thier wives and families. This time, two of them are out looking to get laid and find themselves seduced by a couple of hookers and then chained up in the “playroom” of a mad porno producer out to use them in his films. Their buddies try to rescue them while keeping things a secret from the wives back home. As an attempt at a horror movie, it had it’s moments, but was basically just an excuse to get hot guys stripped and tied up.  Not that there’s anything wrong with that. . . .

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Popularity: 6% [?]